Holding Onto My Future

Originally uploaded by wheresweevil

Would you move to another state to be with someone you cared about that you met off live?

i've been down this road before...twice in fact. i ended up with rigid as many people know...we fought pretty much like those dogs you see in that picture. ....we still fight that way, although not so much of the throwing stuff at his cranium kind of thing anymore.

sometimes i wonder if i had to do it all over again...would i? oh yes, i would. can you believe it? i'd re-do every slap, kick, hair pull all over again. i'd re-do the alarm clock in the ribs, pipe flute on the shoulder, tile past the ear and through the window, the mop toss, the tong toss, the broken glass. i'd redo the adderall, strattera, depakote, clonopin and whatever other drug got thrown in my direction just so i could cope with him.

i'd do it all again for him. just to have him near me. to hear his voice before i wake up. to feel his lips on my forehead before my eyes flutter open. to hear him tell me how much he loves me and how beautiful i am every single day. i don't talk about those things very much. i'm not big on affection or rather public display of affection.

i can tell you this much though. of all the blog's you've seen of me complaining. the anger and rage i've come to feel and share with everyone... it doesn't compare to the love and adoration i have for my husband. not even twofold. not many people understand that and it's part of the reason why sometimes they get this idea that they should hang around...like vultures.

well, one never knows what the future holds, but i don't know if i'd be able to hold on to my future without rigid.