Pumpo's Sea Minkys

Oh boy, Pumpo just went on a rant about Sea Monkeys. It's so funny, you guys have to read it!

"Okay people make sure you're sitting down before you read this!


NATIONAL SEA MONKEY DAY!!!

That's right May 16th is national sea monkey day, so grab some brews and party up! Everyones' favorite little pink shit...(well, okay everyones second favorite pink shit) Okay remember way back in the day when your parents deemed you to stupid to care for any real pets? Then you were thumbing through a comic book and saw all these naked pink mini people swimming around having a blast, even though they didn't have junk or anything?

Then you ran to your parents pointing and doing the excited pee-pee dance. In the hopes of them plunking down that $1.95 of hard earned cash so you too could enjoy the amazing sea monkeys like the rest of the civilized world. That was back in the day when you could actually send cash in the mail, no pay-pal, EZ-pay or even a fucking credit card! Nickles, dimes even pennies, that shit didn't matter. All that did matter was that for the measly some of a buck ninetyfive you could play god and control life....itself!!!

Ohhh but how our dreams of megalomania were dashed when we got that package in the mail. And we poured fucking package wonder monkey powder into whatever bowl that your mom wasn't going to be using for a while. But who cares? You afterall were creating life and a kingdom of pink minions that would do their 'Gods' bidding. And how fucked up was it that after a few days of waiting you woke up expecting to see perfectly formed sea monkey people with their little crowns and sea monkey dogs and cats. But no I woke up and found bowl full hideously deformed pink alien fucks that must have snuck in at some point during the night and killed all my lovely sea monkeys!!!

Needless to say I freaked out and in my 8 year old, 1970's wisdom I flushed all that nasty shit down the toilet! I remember crying to my father "Why did this happened to my people?" He laughed his ass off at me and gave me a beer after I explained what had happened. So if you're looking for a great bonding experience get them some sea monkeys and let the good times roll!

Oh yeah one more thing.......FUCK YOU HAROLD VON BRAUNHUT AND THE BRINE SHRIMP YOU RODE IN ON!!! by Pumpo The Motherfucking Clown"